Them

Home invasions! Always a scary thing. These movies are close quarters, claustrophobic, and intense. You never know whats going to happen next and you are always wondering why the hell these people are doing this. That's sorta the case with Them (Ils)

Shark Night

From one extreme to another! I figured the best way to follow up my slog through the brutal, violent, puke filled, indie extreme of STPC, would be to go to the opposite end of the spectrum. The over budgeted, super pretty, beautiful people filled, Hollywood popcorn feature. Its a movie not about intensity, but about fun. Shark Night!

I will admit, I have a soft spot for these cheesy, light hearted, Scifi feature style movies. Not nearly as serious as Jaws, but not a comedy. Shark Night maintains a great balance throughout the movie, always keeping it light, always playing shitty funny college music. Just keeping it fun.

Slow Torture Puke Chamber

Blood-vomit, gore, boobs, crucifix masturbation, guts, piss drinking, vomit drinking and baby fucking. There's more too, but you know what? I don't think I really need to say more. After ReGOREgitated Sacrifice, I figured that there was no way for them to actually out do the first (Slaughtered Vomit Dolls), and while they didn't really "out do" it, they matched it. I think the main reason they only matched it is because there really isn't the same level of violence as the first. They make up for it with a crazy final twenty minutes full of babies cut from the womb, fucked, dismembered, put in a blender, puked up, drank again. Mix into that watching a fat prostitute being brutalized and puked on, oh, and Angela pissing and puking. Ya, crazy shit.

Spike

A man walks through the woods with his dog. Picking up a scent, the dog drags the man deeper and deeper into the forest. After being dragged along for a bit, they come across a pile of lumber. The dog begins sniffing at it and digging into the pile. The master, curious, joins in. He keeps digging and digging and finally, SHOCK! He happens upon a woman's hand, bloody, cold, lifeless. He panics and runs away. As he drives home, phone in hand, he contemplates calling the police. Why the hesitation? Why is it so hard? He parks in front of his house a bit, thinking and wondering. Finally he folds up his phone and heads inside.

Paranormal Activity the Chronology

To cover all three movies at the same time would be too great an undertaking. What I'm gonna do with this one is judge how well they all blend together, the extra scenes, and sorta the overall story/continuity.

Revolt of the Zombies

Old voodoo zombie movies have a special place in my heart. They aren't particularly scary or anything, but the stone, blank nature of the "zombies" and the usual grace and power of the masters is always enthralling.

Revolt of the Zombies is sort of a sequel to the awesome White Zombie. It sadly doesn't have Bella Lugosi, but it does show his eyes every once in a while! The thing about it is that despite not having Bella, it does a good job creating a villain.

In the Mouth of Madness

Cheesy rock sound track? Check. Awesome special effects? Check. Cheesy special effects? Also check. Must be John Carpenter!

Evil Dead 2

Mmmm, Evil Dead 2. Who doesn't love Evil Dead 2? No one that's who! Its a laugh a minute, scare a minute, super awesome and ultra campy trip through a hellish night at the hands of the Deadites. Throw in Bruce Campbell and a lot of slapstick and you have the formula for one hell of a good time.

My Bloody Valentine

And now back to our regularly scheduled reviews.

You know what I love about slashers? Colorful casts, creative kills, and gore.... also boobies. And while My Bloody Valentine doesn't have the later, it has everything else in spades.

To Elske McCain (Jessicka Rabid)

First off, I would like to say I'm sorry you didn't like my review. I know it has to be hard to put your heart and soul and money into something only to have someone go out and say they hate it. I'm sorry you don't like my opinion, but I am sticking to it.

The thing is, I wanted to like Jessicka Rabid. I was extremely excited when I bought it. I first heard about it in a review from Severed Cinema and I thought it sounded awesome. The concept is great, the ideas are there. I thought it was gonna be up there with the likes of August Underground: Penance and Gutterballs. But when I finally got to watch it it just didn't meet those expectations. It's just not the movie for me.

Jessicka Rabid

To put it lightly, Jessicka Rabid is the most horrid, putrid, pile of waste I have ever had the misfortune of seeing. I would get more entertainment out of this DVD by using the broken shards to wipe myself after a long time on the toilet thanks to to many hot wings. There is literally nothing good about this movie. No good acting, no good cinematography, no effects at all, not even a "so-bad-its-good" sorta thing. Just. Plain. Shit.

Childs Play

"Hi, I'm Chucky, and I'm your friend till the end. Hidey-ho."

Stake Land

Holy fuck Stake Land! I loved this movie. Throw vampires and a post apocalyptic movie together, mix in the perfect amount of humanity, top it off with a dash of amazing and you have Stake Land!

Mutilation Mile

I don't know what exactly I just watched but I know one thing, you're dealing with Jimmy Crack Corn and he don't fuckin' care!

Friday the 13th Part 5

So I was planning on handling reviews for Friday the 13th movies by basically rating the kills. That was to be the norm. Sadly that really cannot be the case for this one. For one, its not even really Jason. A fat annoying retard gets hacked up by a very angry nutjob with an axe at a camp for mentally disturbed people, when the paramedics arrive and see what happens, one of them snaps. Seems the fatty was his kid that he abandoned when he was a baby. So.... you know, great motivation, kid that you disowned the second he was born gets murdered and you get revenge by killing everyone in the area cause you cared so much about your abandoned kid.

The Innkeepers

Going from the spastic, scatterbrained haunting of Grave Encounters to the very focused, snails paced haunting of The Innkeepers is pretty jarring but very welcome.

Grave Encounters

Have you ever watched Ghost Adventures? If so, you've seen Grave Encounters. The difference? Budget and special effects. While Ghost Adventures has no effects, Grave Encounters has plenty, some good, some bad, but they like to show them off.

Murder Set Pieces

I am now fully convinced that this movie is trying to go for a B-movie feel. It has to be. Rock music that doesn't fit, tits out of nowhere, really awesome synthesiser tension score, and wooden dialogue that sometimes doesn't even fit the scene. It has to be. It must. If not, it comes off that way so it give MSP a little charm.

Yellow Brick Road

A group heads to Friar, New Hampshire to find and walk the Yellow Brick Road trail, a trail that in 1940 the entire population of Friar walked down, never to be seen again. Some bodies were found, frozen or murdered, but the rest were gone without a trace. Our group sets out to find out what happened all those years ago.

Shot partially in a found footage/documentary style, we are introduced to each member of the group through a psych evaluation by the groups doctor. They meet before heading to Friar and each go over their job in the group, we have a photographer/writer and his wife, the doctor, the guide/survival expert, the brother and sister map charting pair, and the medic girl. After their meeting, they head out.

The Devil Inside

Ok, so I am going to try to keep this one fairly spoiler free. Short and sweet: I enjoyed this movie. The ending was abrupt and anticlimactic, unsatisfying, but everything up until that point was good.

When Isabella was five her mother killed three people during an exorcism. Her mother was tried, found not guilty by reason of insanity, and taken to a mental facility in Rome by the wishes of the Catholic Church.

Murder Collection Vol. 1

At times I sorta forget why I love Toe Tag so much... then I watch Murder Collection. Murder Collection is a movie in the fashion of Faces of Death and Traces of Death. Its a series of clips and shorts all tied together by our narrator and judge, Balan.

Its story is that in 1994 an internet show surface called Murder. It was clips of people dying collected by Balan. After an investigation, the police located where the broadcast was coming from and seized all the compiled footage, but did not find or discover who Balan was. These are supposed to be some clips that Balan had discovered.

Nightmare City

Pure '70's/'80's Italian cheese!!! Funky dub, silly music, over-acting? Straight from the 70's. Tits! Straight from the 80's. If a woman is murdered on camera, you can be damn sure her boobs will somehow manage to explode out of her shirt.

Night of the Living Dead

Oh NOTLD, my sweet sweet NOTLD. For me, you were the start of the modern day horror movie. Gone were the sophisticated, gothic tones, in was the realistic grittiness and human nature. It marks an important point in horror history.

Zombi 2

This movie should be called Zombie Vs. Shark. That just about sums up the awesomeness of it all. Put on top of that a good story about how the zombie apocalypse starts and of course make sure its traditional voodoo zombies and you have one of my favorite zombie movies.

The movie is very Italian, with people speaking English and Italian but dubbed over in English, including the people that actually speak English. This creates a sorta odd cheesiness to the movie, but it doesn't detract from it.

Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth

Hellraiser III: Pinhead gets super pissed! Hellraiser III: Fuckin' Explosions! Hellraiser III: '90's Metal Blood Exxxtreme!!!!

Guinea Pig 4: Devil Doctor Woman

Devil Doctor Woman isn't so much a horror movie as it is a gory comedy. Its also not so much a movie as it is a series of shorts all brought together by the fact that they are "cases" for the Devil Doctor Woman. Its all light hearted, funny, very raunchy, and all around fun. This movie sticks out in being the only comedy in the Guinea Pig series.

Shadows of the Dead

Was it good? Meh. Was it bad? Nah. Was it entertaining? Yes. Shadows of the Dead was campy and low budget, but the subject was interesting and the execution was pretty good.

The Omen

Beautiful, classy horror. That is The Omen. Not relying on shock, or boos, or gore, this movie does it all with a sheer sense of dread and a dark foreboding atmosphere.

Scream

It's been a long time since I last watched Scream. Actually, it's probably been since those dark times. The age of the celebrity filled, self-referential bad slasher.

The Stendhal Syndrome

The Stendhal Syndrome, what is it? Giallo? Crime Drama? Rape-revenge? Psychological thriller? I can't even begin to describe it. One thing I know for sure, it was to long. They could have cut out 45 minutes of that movie and it would have made more sense and been more entertaining.

Towards the begining of the movie, we are intoduced to Anna, our amnesiac. She makes her way into a museum and roams around. As she traverses from room to room, she hears murmurs and whispers from the paintings. Horses hooves clopping against the ground. Drummers tapping on snares. And as she reaches beach scene painting she falls in. Drowning, she is saved by a manfish breathing life back into her lungs. She wakes, lip bloody on the museum floor. A man asks if shes ok. She flees in fright and embarassment.

 

Nekro

Year of Horror Challenge

I wanted to get this horror blog thing rolling this year, so I decided to come up with this challenge: Watch a new horror movie each day and write a mini-review. It turns out I picked a perfect year, a leap year! So I will be doing 366 mini-reviews! I still need 80 more movies, so suggestions will be welcome! This is the list so far: