Why would you watch a very "meh" remake of such an awesome and classic movie? Six words: Jessica Beil's boobs and The Gunny. Why wouldn't you watch it? The all around bad acting, the portrayal of Leatherface with all his grunting and general lack of personality or any sort of terrifying presence? Maybe it would be the really dumb things that people say? I know I'm probably biased and this all sounds bad, but its not a horrible movie, it entertains and that's what movies are supposed to do.
So its the '70s, a group of four youths is making its way back from long days of drinking, smoking, and partying in Mexico. They are heading to Dallas to raise some hell at a Skynyrd concert. A day back, they picked up a hitchhiker who has quickly taken to one of the boys and made herself part of the group. They are driving down a small town dirt road, having fun, talking, smoking, not paying attention, when at the last moment they have to swerve to keep from hitting a girl walking in the road. They stop, she trudges along in a daze. They "help" her into the van.
As they drive along the road, they question her, "Whats wrong?", "What happened?".
She sobs, "They're all dead."
Shocked, they sit there... "Who's dead?"
They continue driving along their path, going past a slaughter house and meat packing facility. The girl gets hysterical, "You're going the wrong way! I can't go back there! You can't make me go back there!" She reaches for the steering wheel, jerking it around. The group pulls her off and shoves her back into the seat. She crumples, crying. She says there is a bad man there, that they are all gonna die. She slides her hand between her bloody thighs, up into her dress, pulling out a revolver. Everyone freezes in fear. She puts the gun into her mouth and before anyone can react, pulls the trigger. Her brains splatter all over the ceiling and back window, the bullet passing through her skull and out the rear of the van.
Thus begins their descent into hell and the annals of American history. We watch as they all get killed one by one. The boyfriend gets a sledgehammer to the head as they try to remake the classic first appearance of Leatherface from the original. It falls short, its not as sudden, not as brutal, the body twitching seems overdone, but hey, guy gets smashed with a sledgehammer. The blond boy gets his leg chopped off, hung from a meat hook, and then when Jessica Beil discovers him hanging in the basement of "the house", he pleas for her to kill him. She grabs a nearby knife and rams it into his stomach.
Not Jessica Beil gets slashed across the back with the chainsaw and then Leatherface proceeds to cut up the rest of her, feathers flying everywhere from her puffy coat. Then we finally get to see that stupid guy with the glasses get killed. I sooooooo wanted to see that guy die. He was probably the worst part of the movie, his shitting acting, his crappy expressions, the dumb things he said. So after getting arrested by the Gunny, a bottle smashed on his face, the crap kicked out of him, dragged down into the basement, meat hooked, and left in a bathtub, he and Jessica Beil escape the house.
They run from Leatherface into a nearby shack. Jessica Beil hides glasses guy in a closet and hides herself in another one. After Leatherface grabs Jessica Beil, in some odd moment of actually being a decent human, Glasses guy jumps on Leatherface and saves Jessica Beil. Unfortunately for him, he still has handcuffs on. Leatherface hangs him from a nearby chandelier, revs up his chainsaw, and takes him right up the center, from crotch to head. Its the most satisfying thing in the world.
From their, there is a showdown between Leatherface and Jessica Beil in the meat packing plant. She eventually outsmarts him, hiding in a locker with a cleaver. She waits as he inspects each locker, trying to find her, and when he gets close she attacks. She hacks away at his arm, over and over, eventually severing it. He screams in pain and eventually passes out. She then gets picked up by a trucker. Trucker takes her back, yadda yadda yadda, she hot wires the sheriffs car and runs him over, gets away with stolen baby the end.
Its ok, it entertains, but really, there are much better movies out there. Watch it for the Gunny and Jessica Beil running around in a wet white shirt. Also to watch that dumb Glasses guy get killed.
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