Hellraiser: Revelations

Hellraiser. I love Hellraiser. I have a Chatter tattoo and one of the Lament Configuration too. So I generally go into these movies with a high bar, but a bit through each one I always remember that they probably won't live up to the first two. So after reading up a bit on this new movie, I took that usually raised bar and pretty much threw it onto the floor. Did this last minute entry into one of my favorite mythos live up to the expectations I set for it?

I'll start off by saying that I do commend the movie for actually trying to get back to Hellraisers roots. Its a story about the box, about people seeking something beyond pleasure, about Cenobites. While other movies have had Cenobites in them, they haven't been about the traditional mythos and have been very different stories that happen to have our favorite sadomasochist angels/demons. This one sticks to the groundwork that the original laid down. Sadly it does it very sloppily and bare bones. On top of that, it doesn't take it anywhere else.

Basically it works like a check list:
Lament Configuration: Check
Seeker: Check
Merchant/Vagrant: Check
Pleasure: Check
Pain: Check
Skinless person: Check
Said skinless person wearing a loved ones skin: Check
Chattering Cenobite: Check
Pinhead: Umm..... welll... check???

That last one, Pinhead, not so much. See, the allotted time they had to make the film was so short that Doug Bradley turned down the role. Being a quick buck, no budget movie they hired some random guy to do it. Its a very very sad attempt at portraying a character we all know an love. Its not like the A Nightmare On Elm Street remake where they were making a fresh start with the series and reinvented the villain. This is in the main storyline, it was supposed to be the same Pinhead we've all come to expect. But what we got was horrible cosplay/imitation of him. Gone is the eloquence in his tongue. No more is that poise and sophistication. What we get is a doughy guy in a leather dress with bad makeup and a shitty accent.

The story, two boys take a trip to Tijuana for a weekend of drinking, debauchery, and donkey shows. They get there, lose their car, drink it up at a bar, kill a hooker in a bathroom stall and grieve. During their grief they are at a bar drowning their sorrows when they are approached by the Merchant/Vagrant. Another low point for the movie. He simply overstays his welcome. They try to flesh him out more, make him a more involved character. That was bad. They turned a mysterious part of the mythology into what basically equates to some crazy, half-downsed, knife wielding hobo.

Anyway, the boys take the box. The hooker killing dunce is the one who opens it. Gets taken to hell, skinned, Cenobite stuff, escapes using his friends skin, makes it back to friends parents house where both of their parents are holding a dinner in their memory. The parents, understandably shocked, try to get as much information out of him that they can. Being a bit off from the things he has been through, he sort of breaks and decides his family should die for the horrible things they have done. His father had fucked the mother of the other child and his friends sister had an incestuous crush on her brother. Sister is forced into opening the box because the kid thinks he can work out a trade with Pinhead: her life for his freedom. Sorry Kid, you're not Kirsty.

People die, chains hook flesh, Chatterer cenobite. In the end, its a very horribly acted shell of a Hellraiser film. Its bare minimum and the whole scenario of "make a new Hellraiser movie soon or lose the license" definitely shows. Once again, I think its great that they tried to get back to what its all about, but they really should have tried a bit better and maybe hired some actors that can, you know, act.

If you are a fan of the series and absolutely need to see every last one like me, give it a go but don't expect anything. Otherwise, steer clear. Also, found footage.