Troll 2

Oh Troll 2.... why you trolling? You don't even have a troll. People are just jelly of your awesome acting, paper-mache goblins, and super hot popcorn scene. Its understandable. And all that delicious food! Now that's hospitality, and you can't piss on hospitality! It's so bad its good, so read on and check it out.

So where do I begin? How do I really explain how a movie can be so bad that its good? I can always go with the cliche and say it's like watching a train wreck; you know its horrible, but you just have to see it through, have to watch it unfold. Its a guilty pleasure. Its so wooden. So badly acted, so weird and out there with the story and writing... its almost genius. Everything blends together to be entertaining in just the wrong way.

So what is it about? Joshua Waits is told a story about tricky goblins turning people into half plant/half humans and eating them by his dead grandfather. His gramps warns him about the goblins, telling him they are real! Why? Why warn the kid about it? Well his family has arranged a little house swap for a vacation with a family from the small little town of Nilbog. Nilbog, population: twenty six. Whats to bad about Nilbog? Put a mirror opposite your monitor and look in it right now. Now read Nilbog.... Its GOBLIN! Backwards! Nilbog is the kingdom of the goblins! All twenty six of them! So the movie is about Joshua, his dead gramps, and his family being lured into the clutches of the evil goblins and their super crazy, wacky, druid keeper lady. They need to thwart the goblins evil machinations and escape! Banishing the goblins away forever.

Throw into all that some interfamily turmoil with Joshuas parents dealing with his erratic behavior and not believing him about the goblins. And his sisters problems with her bro-loving, flaky, doofy boyfriend and you have a weird, funny, oddball movie.

The dialogue is just classic:

"Holly: Elliott! What kind of idiotic joke is this? You scared the shit out of me!
Elliott: I'm the victim of a nocturnal rapture. I have to release my lowest instincts with a woman.
Holly: *Cock punches Elliott* Release your instincts in the bathroom.
Elliott: Are you nuts? You tryin' to turn me into a homo?
Holly: Wouldn't be too hard. If my father discovers you here, he'd cut off your little nuts and eat them. He can't stand you."

"Mr. Waits: Do you see this writing...? Do you know what it means...? Hospitality. And you can't piss on hospitality! I WON'T ALLOW IT!"

"Joshua: A double-decker bologna sandwich!
Creedence: Aaahhh! Think about the cholesterol! Think about... THE TOXINS...!"

Then there are the really weird little scenes. Holly... any scene with Holly. This girl is so wooden, so hamish... its great. Hollys boyfriends friend Arnold watching a girl be eaten by the goblins. The food pissing scene. Creedence (druid lady) getting all sexified and seducing a boy with an ear of corn. Don't you dare tell me she isn't hot in that scene! The awesome pseudo-porn music playing as she wiggles her way to the rv. The seductive and suggestive way she strokes the corn. The fact that the way shes been handling that corn makes you think of it phalicly and then bother her and the boy start munching it at the same time... it throws you off. And then popcorn starts flying everywhere! That shit is so hot, it make popcorn!

Then there is the weird relationship between Joshua and his dead grandpa. At one point in the movie, a goblin banishes grandpa back to hell... why was gramps in hell? My money is on him probably touching little Josh in his swim trunk region. And why does his grandpa know so much about the goblins? How did the goblins lure the family into this little swap?

Really, describing it and talking about it will never ever do it justice. Its a movie that has to be seen to be believed. Sit through it. Its so damn horribly charming. Please do yourself a favor and give it a spin. It will purify you of.... THE TOXINS!